I Want the Couch
by Miss Whoniverse
Summary: Oneshot! Someone gets the couch, and someone gets the floor. --"I want the floor." "I don't want the couch." "You want the couch." "No, YOU want the couch." "No, YOU want the couch."-- Who will end up on the floor? And what's going on anyway?


"Well, Ange and Hodgins get the bed," said Booth, which was fair enough because the snowstorm had trapped them all in Angela's apartment and it was only fair for her to get to keep her bed.

"Right," agreed Brennan reasonably.

"So that leaves us the couch and... well, the floor."

"I want the couch," said Bones instantly, looking over at him triumphantly. She expected Booth to promptly start a verbal spar with her, but he looked equally pleased.

"Good. I want the floor."

She stared at him searchingly for a moment, and when she decided that his chivalry spoke louder than his self-preservation, her expression set.

"I don't want the couch anymore."

"_I _don't want the couch." Booth folded his arms and set his wide shoulders stubbornly, and she was struck by his size – but what kind of person would she be if she backed down? _Was_ she going to back down? _Not a chance,_ she thought.

"No, _I _don't want the couch," she responded.

"You want the couch," smirked Booth, and she glared at him.

"No, _you _want the couch."

"No, _YOU _want the couch."

"No, _**YOU **_want the-" she started loudly, but she was cut off when he abruptly broke his stance and seized her shoulders roughly.

Her defensive instincts were unbearably slow kicking in because she was definitely not expecting to be assaulted by Booth; and she had just raised her arms to break his hold when he flicked his wrists effortlessly and sent her flying back.

That was his first mistake.

Her mind – fast as it was – had enough time to reel in shock in the second or so before she hit. But... there was no pain. What was... oh. _I'm on the couch_, she realised. For a moment, Booth laughed at her blank expression, but when it turned stormy he shut up like a cow choking on a piece of grass.

"Seeley Booth," she began dangerously, getting up very slowly. "_What _did you just do?"

Booth froze up like a deer caught in headlights. His eyes flicked around for a moment as though searching for an escape route, before they settled on a spot above her head. "Nothing, ma'am," he replied tonelessly.

"_I _think," she began, slowly stalking towards him, "that you just _threw me into the couch_. Is that what happened, Booth?"

"I-... I don't think so," he replied lamely, eyes looking anywhere but her.

That was his second mistake.

As she suddenly flew into action, he flinched automatically, expecting a simple slap. What he didn't expect was for her to jab his shoulder joints, making him hunch inwards and drop his head. She then stepped on one of his feet and span him so that his back was to the couch, and jabbed her foot into the inside of his knee, breaking his balance.

Then, a simple punch in the chest saw him flat on his ass in front of the couch.

There was a silence. Angela and Jack watched, unnoticed, from a doorway off to the side, holding each others' mouths to prevent the giggles from escaping. It was bloody close, though, when they saw Booth's face.

"Bones," the Special Agent said in disbelief. "Did you just... I can't believe you did that."

He hopped to his feet and Bones planted her own defiantly.

"Oh it is _on_," muttered Hodgins to himself.

"You bet," replied Angela just as quietly.

Booth and Bones dropped their inhibitions at the same time, both jumping forwards and locking into a violent grapple, the point of which was presumably to achieve dominance and force the other person to take the couch for the night.

_Best fight _ever, thought Angela cheerfully, although she didn't see how Brennan could ever win. She was just too light – no matter how ninja she was, surely Booth was far too heavy for her to pin down?

Ange was right.

Bones tired faster, too – despite them both having training in the martial arts and fighting, they were most often pitted against people closer to their own physical standards. Thus, Booth was used to fighting someone taller, naturally stronger, and heavier, while Bones was used to fighting someone lighter, shorter and weaker.

Booth was winning.

Bones actually managed at one point to push him back, but he twisted just before he landed and threw her down onto her side as well, but then she rolled away before he could pin her.

He jumped up with a growl. Fighting her was like fighting with a bar of soap – just as he got her into a headlock, she magically twisted and slipped out.

Time and time again he had her but she bent out of it or twisted strangely or she would go limp so that he'd have to change his hold and then she'd just pull away.

It was pissing him off.

Deciding in annoyance that he was going to get her while her back was turned, he span her and jumped at her back, locking his thick arms around her in a bear hug. She moved to twist away, but he wouldn't have it; tightening his arms mercilessly.

The more she struggled, the harder he held her, and she quickly grasped this and froze. He didn't let his guard down; staying his arms at the precise pressure they were at.

They stood there silently, both breathing heavily, and Ange and Hodgins were watching with open mouths, waiting for the next move. _Is this about to turn into perving_? Wondered Jack idly.

There was silence except for laboured breathing, which cooled off pretty quickly. Booth hadn't changed the pressure at all, and they were both frozen where they had stopped moving.

Bones was thinking that it really wasn't so bad being crushed against his chest with his head resting on hers and his arms locked tightly around her, just still. She almost forgot about the fight, but when she realised that her stillness would be perceived as surrender, she jerked into action.

Booth had just been thinking that he had either won the fight or gone too far when Bones' foot struck him hard on the inside of his thigh, millimetres away from his groin. He almost squeaked, and also almost threw her away in his haste to jump back and assess his nether region.

Finding it unharmed, and looking up to see a triumphant Bones staring at him with a smirk, he leaped forwards at her again, growling something unintelligible. She sidestepped him and ducked his swipe, turning to face him as he turned to face her.

His back was to the couch again, and she saw her chance. Running up to him, she raised her arms to distract him from her feet, which were the real threat to him. He grabbed her upper arms to stop her advance, and she smirked at him, hooking a leg around his.

His look of shock was priceless as she held still for a moment, but then he seemed to realise what she was about to do.

"You-" he started hotly, but she just laughed and pulled his leg out from beneath him, throwing him backwards onto the couch.

He, however, was not going down alone. Determined to take her down with him, he held on tightly to her arms and pulled her along.

He found himself on his back on what he realised was a very comfortable couch, with Bones' form draped over him.

They froze again. He was still holding her arms, and she stared at him with a look of mild surprise on her face. Their eyes locked, and they both just stared at each other.

It was a pretty long pause, and it was broken by Brennan grinning and sliding off him to the side, effectively sandwiching herself between him and the back of the couch.

He opened his mouth to ask what she was doing, but she laid her head on his chest and he found himself lost for words.

"You know, I might just go to sleep here. I'm quite comfortable. You're warm," she stated matter-of-factly. He stared at the top of her head, then chuckled and played along.

"Good, because I'm not moving. Night, Bones," he said laughingly. His voice vibrated in his chest, and she only just caught the sigh before it got out.

"Night, Booth," she replied contentedly after a moment, nestling in. They didn't talk about any stupid line; they didn't think about how they were being unprofessional; they didn't consider sorting out the issue of who got the couch.

Ange and Hodgins looked at them; looked at each other; then smiled and went to their own beds.

For once, the crime-busting duo just went with the flow. They would _both _have the couch.


End file.
